What does the word tough mean? According to Websters, one meaning is: "capable of enduring strain, hardship, or severe labor." I don't feel tough. Now, mind you, I am still trying, I just don't feel tough. So how will I ever last a whole year? This exercise thing is hard on my body. It makes me hurt. Most of the hurt is a good thing, but then there is the pain in my knee and lower back. I limp right along. The hardest part for me is the mental part. I am far from being mentally tough. My knee hurts and I think I can't do this. My back hurts and I think I can't do this.
Wednesday night, I hurt my knee and my lower back was having muscle spasms. I left the workout area briefly, to cry and came back to try again. Nope...I felt like I was quitting. My body just wouldn't respond the way I wanted it to. I told Bethany I was sorry for quitting and she got after me...I don't remember her exact words, but I do remember her telling me it was an attack from the devil and that I needed to quit being angry because that gives him victory over me. She had me stretch my back for the rest of the time.
I went home and took some medicine and went to bed. I didn't feel good about myself and that attitude continued into the next day. My students ask about my workouts and we talked about me hurting myself and they offered encouragement. One of the boys told the others that I was going to do a 5k with his mom (that is another story for another day). Their eyes got big and they all smiled. They told me I could do it.
The workout last night was hard! It was cold and it seemed like every exercise seemed to put pressure on my knee and back. Oh, and it was COLD! When we got to the TolarPlex, it was 30 degrees (that would be Fahrenheit for those of you that live outside of the US). When we were finished it was 26 degrees. The wind was cutting through me. I worked out hard enough to have to remove some of my layers...but I still don't feel tough!
How in the world am I going to convince my brain that I can do this...well, to start, I am praying about it and having others pray. Next, I am surrounding myself with people that will encourage me. There is always someone at camp that comes to me at the end and tells me I did a good job. This helps. And, I am blogging about it. Like I said before, this blog is really for me. It is a place for me to document my successes and my struggles...
I am nine days in to a journey that will take some time. I have committed myself to making this work. I have made some modifications to my diet and started working out...do I really need to be the definition of TOUGH, no! God can do mighty things...in my weakness, He is made strong. He will honor my effort and He will lift me up and carry me when I feel like I need to quit. That is the great thing about God...He is always there and He never gives up on me...I would much rather be weak so others can see He is strong...
Be blessed!
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