Update

It has been a while since I have posted. The past few months have not been the best. I have been recovering from several injuries. I am behind on my training, but I am still blessed!

I went to the doctor before school started and got the go ahead to train for the half marathon. My doctor was very encouraging. I have a few things to work through, but I am going to get there!

I finally stopped drinking sweet tea. I also switched to stevia in my coffee. I feel better and my body has changed. It was not as hard as I thought it would be.

I want to talk about the emotional toll that the injuries have taken on me because I feel like there is someone out there that needs to hear it. I have been very discouraged. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like a disappointment.

I have made an effort to surround myself with people who are on similar journeys as I am. This has been a blessing. However, recently, I feel like I have let these people down. Yes, I realize that this is not reality, I just said I FEEL LIKE...I want, more than anything, to make the people around me proud. I want them to feel like I am really trying to change, because I really am trying. It is just hard to not feel like I have let someone down.

The thing about forming relationships with others is that we become invested in doing things to gain their approval. When we feel like we fall short, it has an emotional affect on us. I have thought about my injuries over and over. I have struggled with the thought that I am hurting myself on purpose or that someone close to me feels like that is what I am doing. I have lost sleep over this issue. I am not a fan of falling down or pulling a muscle and I assure you that I am not doing it on purpose, but the thought bothers me.

There have also been plenty of new people coming to camp. People that I really do not know. Any of you with self esteem issues, like mine, will understand the uneasiness that this causes. Now, I am not saying that these new folks are judging me, I am just saying that it takes me out of my comfort zone. These people do not know how much I have changed in the last nine months. They have not watched me struggle. They have not seen my success.  I know, in time, these new folks will be just as special to me as the folks I started camp with...it is just hard.

My journey is not over. It is far from perfect, but at least I am moving forward. I am going to start and finish the half marathon that I have signed up to compete in. I may come in dead last, and that is perfectly fine with me. I will do it knowing it will change the course of the rest of my life. I will do it for myself. I will do it to prove that I am not who I used to be. I am blessed!