From Scared to Strong

So many things are going through my mind and my schedule is crammed packed. I have been trying to figure out how to add hours to my day so that I can get in all of the things I need to do. My confidence level is pretty low lately and it is taking an emotional toll on me.

I try to always be positive and I am usually pretty successful. I know that I am able to do things that a year ago would have been impossible. When I am focused, I am great. I have a super support system and I know what I need to be doing, so why is it not happening? The honest answer, I am scared. Yep, I said it...I am afraid. About what? Well, the list is forever long and many of the things on it are just stupid.

A while back, Bethany made a comment to me that I have really been thinking about (for those that do not know, Bethany is my trainer...and my friend). I cannot remember her exact words, but I know the message she was trying to communicate. I hesitate to go full force because I am afraid that I will get hurt again. She is right. I am not giving 100%. I do not like the pain that is associated with the injuries I have suffered in the last few months. It is a vicious cycle...I hesitate because I don't want to get hurt and end up hurting myself because I hesitate. My injuries, for the most part, have healed. I still have a little trouble with my left hip, leg, and knee. It is tons better than it was a few weeks ago.

I have been on this journey nearly 10 months. Some months have been easier than others. I am much stronger than I used to be and I am nearly 50 pounds lighter than I was when I started. I have so much to celebrate, yet, I am stuck.

Fear sucks! I expressed my concerns to Bethany yesterday. I let her know I feel like a failure and that I feel like I have let people down, that I had let her down. Do you want to know what happened? She smiled at me and let me know that she was proud of me. I am still showing up at camp (most of the time)...even if my body will not function properly.

Everyday this week, something or someone has reminded me of the half marathon I have signed up to do. I have to get my butt moving and remember that my goal has nothing to do with how long it takes me to get to the finish line, it is about starting and finishing something that I never dreamed I would do. I am determined to be a life changer. I want people like me to know that ALL THINGS are possible. I am not the same person I was in October of last year...I am strong. How strong? Cg strong...thanks for your encouragement.