Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

I have been struggling for months. This is a subject I have tried hard to avoid. Fact is, I am embarrased. I figured out a long time ago that I cannot keep pace with the other campers. That should be okay, right? Their journey and my journey are different. Typically, I am okay with doing things my way, but not here. It is weird. This has become a problem.

I was hurt over the summer...it's not summer anymore. So why am I still right here? The simple answer is I have been making one excuse after another and I am super stubborn. I am afraid I will get hurt...excuse. I don't want to have a modified exercise...excuse. I can't do it...excuse. I will slow everyone down...excuse. I don't want to bother Bethany...excuse.

My insecurities have gotten the best of me. I have been lying to myself for months. The second something gets hard or someone tries to push me, I run away (not literally) and rebel. The emotional turmoil this causes sucks!

I called Bethany the other day and we finally talked about it. I have avoided any kind of fitness related conversation with her for MONTHS. In my head, if we don't talk about it, I don't have to fix it. Makes sense, right? NOPE, it is stupid.

I quit allowing her to push me. Right or wrong, that is what I did. I gave up on myself and in essence her too. Not proud about it, but that is what happened. Those of you that know me know my relationship with her is not just fitness related. She is my friend, so that complicates the situation.

She told me the other day that I can reach my goals, but she can't force me to do it...she is right. It is my choice. I have to decide that I am worth it and quit worrying about what the other folks at camp are going to think when I have to do something different. I have to turn off the friend switch, get my feelings off of my sleeve, and let her do her job for an hour.

She won't push me somewhere I do not want to go and she can't make me do anything. It is unreasonable for her to be expected to do that anyway. I need Bethany, the trainer, to train me and help me become a healthier version of me and not listen to my excuses...but first, I have to decide.

Be blessed!