Pride and Perspective

Well, it would appear that I have let some negative comments creep in and steal my joy. I have had more than one person imply or directly say that I was wasting my time with the whole get fit thing. I let those words take root and alter my course. I believed the lies that were spoken over me and I am not happy about it.

This year has been full of success for me. My success does not look the same as others, but it is success. The year 2014 started the way so many others have: full of family, food, and poor health. No hope for anything different. Fourteen days into the new year, I had a conversation that changed everything. God set my feet on this path and He did it on purpose so that I would be able to fulfill His purpose in my life. Eleven months later, I weigh 53 pound less. I lost this weight without the aid of the lap-band and without fad diets. I know that I HAVE WORKED HARD. I see this as a success.

See, 2014 changed everything about me. I became an active participant in my life again. I enjoyed activities with my family that I never thought possible. I became a better wife, mom, daughter, and friend. To let angry, jealous people ruin that would be plain stupid. I cannot change their hearts, but God can. I can only be responsible for me. This is where the pride things comes in...

I DO NOT like to break down in front of people. I do not enjoy allowing others to see me struggle. I certainly do not like to have to modify the exercises at camp (I want to do what everyone else does). That is a pride issue and something that God is working on. I let my insecurities get the best of me I let what I think other people think control me. I cannot continue to do this. I know that I know that I know the people I workout with could care less that I have to modify. I know that they don't think any less of me when the workout is hard for me and I get emotional. I know that they care about me. It all boils down to a choice, just like Bethany said, I have to make a choice...and I have. I CHOOSE ME.

I choose to move ahead on my journey. I choose to make myself vulnerable in front of other people. I choose to ignore the people that say I cannot do this and that I am not worth it. I serve a big God and He does big things and I cannot wait to see what He does next.

Be blessed!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

I have been struggling for months. This is a subject I have tried hard to avoid. Fact is, I am embarrased. I figured out a long time ago that I cannot keep pace with the other campers. That should be okay, right? Their journey and my journey are different. Typically, I am okay with doing things my way, but not here. It is weird. This has become a problem.

I was hurt over the summer...it's not summer anymore. So why am I still right here? The simple answer is I have been making one excuse after another and I am super stubborn. I am afraid I will get hurt...excuse. I don't want to have a modified exercise...excuse. I can't do it...excuse. I will slow everyone down...excuse. I don't want to bother Bethany...excuse.

My insecurities have gotten the best of me. I have been lying to myself for months. The second something gets hard or someone tries to push me, I run away (not literally) and rebel. The emotional turmoil this causes sucks!

I called Bethany the other day and we finally talked about it. I have avoided any kind of fitness related conversation with her for MONTHS. In my head, if we don't talk about it, I don't have to fix it. Makes sense, right? NOPE, it is stupid.

I quit allowing her to push me. Right or wrong, that is what I did. I gave up on myself and in essence her too. Not proud about it, but that is what happened. Those of you that know me know my relationship with her is not just fitness related. She is my friend, so that complicates the situation.

She told me the other day that I can reach my goals, but she can't force me to do it...she is right. It is my choice. I have to decide that I am worth it and quit worrying about what the other folks at camp are going to think when I have to do something different. I have to turn off the friend switch, get my feelings off of my sleeve, and let her do her job for an hour.

She won't push me somewhere I do not want to go and she can't make me do anything. It is unreasonable for her to be expected to do that anyway. I need Bethany, the trainer, to train me and help me become a healthier version of me and not listen to my excuses...but first, I have to decide.

Be blessed!