A whole year, really? Three hundred sixty-five days. Wow. So many things have happened this past year. I finally admitted that I weighed a little over 300 pounds when I started this journey last year. I am more confident, in better shape, and I have lost about 55 pounds.
I have never been able to stick to any kind of workout program, so how did I make it a whole year? This is not a program. It is a lifestyle, part of who I am. Wait, what? Did I just say it was a lifestyle? That means that it is something that I choose to do over and over again. Wow!
This last year has been full of emotion. I have cried more that I wanted to (and in front of people), I have been angry, I have been scared, I have been discouraged, I have been encouraged...you get the picture. God has used Camp Gladiator to mold me into this person that is here today. To be completely honest, Camp Gladiator has saved my life. The quality of my life is better.
I don't know what the cg experience is for other people, but for me, it is amazing. My first experiences at camp showed me that there are some great folks in this world and that not everyone thinks I am a loser. I have grown and changed this year and I have watched the girls I started with do the same thing. It seems like it was forever ago that I chased the Lays truck down the street and issued a challenge to the other campers, but it has only been a year. I have changed so much in just a year. I look forward to the many exciting changes that year two will bring...
A year ago, someone looked me in the eye and told me I was worth it. She has become my very best friend. I know that I am still going to struggle, but I know that I have support. This year I will conquer the things that I set out to do. I will not quit! I AM CG STRONG!!!
This is the last post I will make to this blog. I will continue blogging about my journey. The new blog is called Get Fit...The Journey Continues
Be blessed and remember that you are worth the effort! You are capable of more than you realize. I appreciate your support over the past year!
Friday, January 16, 2015
Monday, December 15, 2014
Why
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you are doing something? I do it all of the time and in every area of my life. I have questioned myself more in the last year than I have in a long time. Why did I let her talk me into this? Why did I react the way I did? Why did I...
My why changes, especially where my fitness journey is concerned. When I started attending Camp Gladiator, my why was to be able to become fit enough to do things with my family. A little later, it was about proving that I could do it. Then, it became about helping Bethany (or feeling like I was helping). I never really made it about me until a few weeks ago.
I had the opportunity to sit down with my friend, Jo, this past weekend. She has been on a similar journey this year. We discussed how hard it has been to go from lazy couch potatoes to active people with fitness goals. We agree it is the most difficult thing we have ever done. So, why are we still doing it? Well, because we are worth it!
Jo and I have been friends for over three decades...to say that we are comfortable with each other is an understatement. It was nice to be able to say what needed to be said without fear of judgement. She just understands. One of the other things we talked about was why we are vocal about our struggles...it boils down to something very simple..YOU. Someone out there reads what we are up to without commenting. This person is watching and trying to decide if this is something that they will be able to do.
You are important and you CAN do this. Will it be easy? Uh, no! Will it change your life? ABSOLUTELY! I still struggle, I still eat all of the wrong things, but I still try. I try to make better choices everyday. The hardest decision I made this year was to become a healthier me...are you ready to join me? 2015 is your year to shine!
My why changes, especially where my fitness journey is concerned. When I started attending Camp Gladiator, my why was to be able to become fit enough to do things with my family. A little later, it was about proving that I could do it. Then, it became about helping Bethany (or feeling like I was helping). I never really made it about me until a few weeks ago.
I had the opportunity to sit down with my friend, Jo, this past weekend. She has been on a similar journey this year. We discussed how hard it has been to go from lazy couch potatoes to active people with fitness goals. We agree it is the most difficult thing we have ever done. So, why are we still doing it? Well, because we are worth it!
Jo and I have been friends for over three decades...to say that we are comfortable with each other is an understatement. It was nice to be able to say what needed to be said without fear of judgement. She just understands. One of the other things we talked about was why we are vocal about our struggles...it boils down to something very simple..YOU. Someone out there reads what we are up to without commenting. This person is watching and trying to decide if this is something that they will be able to do.
You are important and you CAN do this. Will it be easy? Uh, no! Will it change your life? ABSOLUTELY! I still struggle, I still eat all of the wrong things, but I still try. I try to make better choices everyday. The hardest decision I made this year was to become a healthier me...are you ready to join me? 2015 is your year to shine!
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Pride and Perspective
Well, it would appear that I have let some negative comments creep in and steal my joy. I have had more than one person imply or directly say that I was wasting my time with the whole get fit thing. I let those words take root and alter my course. I believed the lies that were spoken over me and I am not happy about it.
This year has been full of success for me. My success does not look the same as others, but it is success. The year 2014 started the way so many others have: full of family, food, and poor health. No hope for anything different. Fourteen days into the new year, I had a conversation that changed everything. God set my feet on this path and He did it on purpose so that I would be able to fulfill His purpose in my life. Eleven months later, I weigh 53 pound less. I lost this weight without the aid of the lap-band and without fad diets. I know that I HAVE WORKED HARD. I see this as a success.
See, 2014 changed everything about me. I became an active participant in my life again. I enjoyed activities with my family that I never thought possible. I became a better wife, mom, daughter, and friend. To let angry, jealous people ruin that would be plain stupid. I cannot change their hearts, but God can. I can only be responsible for me. This is where the pride things comes in...
I DO NOT like to break down in front of people. I do not enjoy allowing others to see me struggle. I certainly do not like to have to modify the exercises at camp (I want to do what everyone else does). That is a pride issue and something that God is working on. I let my insecurities get the best of me I let what I think other people think control me. I cannot continue to do this. I know that I know that I know the people I workout with could care less that I have to modify. I know that they don't think any less of me when the workout is hard for me and I get emotional. I know that they care about me. It all boils down to a choice, just like Bethany said, I have to make a choice...and I have. I CHOOSE ME.
I choose to move ahead on my journey. I choose to make myself vulnerable in front of other people. I choose to ignore the people that say I cannot do this and that I am not worth it. I serve a big God and He does big things and I cannot wait to see what He does next.
Be blessed!
This year has been full of success for me. My success does not look the same as others, but it is success. The year 2014 started the way so many others have: full of family, food, and poor health. No hope for anything different. Fourteen days into the new year, I had a conversation that changed everything. God set my feet on this path and He did it on purpose so that I would be able to fulfill His purpose in my life. Eleven months later, I weigh 53 pound less. I lost this weight without the aid of the lap-band and without fad diets. I know that I HAVE WORKED HARD. I see this as a success.
See, 2014 changed everything about me. I became an active participant in my life again. I enjoyed activities with my family that I never thought possible. I became a better wife, mom, daughter, and friend. To let angry, jealous people ruin that would be plain stupid. I cannot change their hearts, but God can. I can only be responsible for me. This is where the pride things comes in...
I DO NOT like to break down in front of people. I do not enjoy allowing others to see me struggle. I certainly do not like to have to modify the exercises at camp (I want to do what everyone else does). That is a pride issue and something that God is working on. I let my insecurities get the best of me I let what I think other people think control me. I cannot continue to do this. I know that I know that I know the people I workout with could care less that I have to modify. I know that they don't think any less of me when the workout is hard for me and I get emotional. I know that they care about me. It all boils down to a choice, just like Bethany said, I have to make a choice...and I have. I CHOOSE ME.
I choose to move ahead on my journey. I choose to make myself vulnerable in front of other people. I choose to ignore the people that say I cannot do this and that I am not worth it. I serve a big God and He does big things and I cannot wait to see what He does next.
Be blessed!
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
I have been struggling for months. This is a subject I have tried hard to avoid. Fact is, I am embarrased. I figured out a long time ago that I cannot keep pace with the other campers. That should be okay, right? Their journey and my journey are different. Typically, I am okay with doing things my way, but not here. It is weird. This has become a problem.
I was hurt over the summer...it's not summer anymore. So why am I still right here? The simple answer is I have been making one excuse after another and I am super stubborn. I am afraid I will get hurt...excuse. I don't want to have a modified exercise...excuse. I can't do it...excuse. I will slow everyone down...excuse. I don't want to bother Bethany...excuse.
My insecurities have gotten the best of me. I have been lying to myself for months. The second something gets hard or someone tries to push me, I run away (not literally) and rebel. The emotional turmoil this causes sucks!
I called Bethany the other day and we finally talked about it. I have avoided any kind of fitness related conversation with her for MONTHS. In my head, if we don't talk about it, I don't have to fix it. Makes sense, right? NOPE, it is stupid.
I quit allowing her to push me. Right or wrong, that is what I did. I gave up on myself and in essence her too. Not proud about it, but that is what happened. Those of you that know me know my relationship with her is not just fitness related. She is my friend, so that complicates the situation.
She told me the other day that I can reach my goals, but she can't force me to do it...she is right. It is my choice. I have to decide that I am worth it and quit worrying about what the other folks at camp are going to think when I have to do something different. I have to turn off the friend switch, get my feelings off of my sleeve, and let her do her job for an hour.
She won't push me somewhere I do not want to go and she can't make me do anything. It is unreasonable for her to be expected to do that anyway. I need Bethany, the trainer, to train me and help me become a healthier version of me and not listen to my excuses...but first, I have to decide.
Be blessed!
I was hurt over the summer...it's not summer anymore. So why am I still right here? The simple answer is I have been making one excuse after another and I am super stubborn. I am afraid I will get hurt...excuse. I don't want to have a modified exercise...excuse. I can't do it...excuse. I will slow everyone down...excuse. I don't want to bother Bethany...excuse.
My insecurities have gotten the best of me. I have been lying to myself for months. The second something gets hard or someone tries to push me, I run away (not literally) and rebel. The emotional turmoil this causes sucks!
I called Bethany the other day and we finally talked about it. I have avoided any kind of fitness related conversation with her for MONTHS. In my head, if we don't talk about it, I don't have to fix it. Makes sense, right? NOPE, it is stupid.
I quit allowing her to push me. Right or wrong, that is what I did. I gave up on myself and in essence her too. Not proud about it, but that is what happened. Those of you that know me know my relationship with her is not just fitness related. She is my friend, so that complicates the situation.
She told me the other day that I can reach my goals, but she can't force me to do it...she is right. It is my choice. I have to decide that I am worth it and quit worrying about what the other folks at camp are going to think when I have to do something different. I have to turn off the friend switch, get my feelings off of my sleeve, and let her do her job for an hour.
She won't push me somewhere I do not want to go and she can't make me do anything. It is unreasonable for her to be expected to do that anyway. I need Bethany, the trainer, to train me and help me become a healthier version of me and not listen to my excuses...but first, I have to decide.
Be blessed!
Friday, October 31, 2014
From Scared to Strong
So many things are going through my mind and my schedule is crammed packed. I have been trying to figure out how to add hours to my day so that I can get in all of the things I need to do. My confidence level is pretty low lately and it is taking an emotional toll on me.
I try to always be positive and I am usually pretty successful. I know that I am able to do things that a year ago would have been impossible. When I am focused, I am great. I have a super support system and I know what I need to be doing, so why is it not happening? The honest answer, I am scared. Yep, I said it...I am afraid. About what? Well, the list is forever long and many of the things on it are just stupid.
A while back, Bethany made a comment to me that I have really been thinking about (for those that do not know, Bethany is my trainer...and my friend). I cannot remember her exact words, but I know the message she was trying to communicate. I hesitate to go full force because I am afraid that I will get hurt again. She is right. I am not giving 100%. I do not like the pain that is associated with the injuries I have suffered in the last few months. It is a vicious cycle...I hesitate because I don't want to get hurt and end up hurting myself because I hesitate. My injuries, for the most part, have healed. I still have a little trouble with my left hip, leg, and knee. It is tons better than it was a few weeks ago.
I have been on this journey nearly 10 months. Some months have been easier than others. I am much stronger than I used to be and I am nearly 50 pounds lighter than I was when I started. I have so much to celebrate, yet, I am stuck.
Fear sucks! I expressed my concerns to Bethany yesterday. I let her know I feel like a failure and that I feel like I have let people down, that I had let her down. Do you want to know what happened? She smiled at me and let me know that she was proud of me. I am still showing up at camp (most of the time)...even if my body will not function properly.
Everyday this week, something or someone has reminded me of the half marathon I have signed up to do. I have to get my butt moving and remember that my goal has nothing to do with how long it takes me to get to the finish line, it is about starting and finishing something that I never dreamed I would do. I am determined to be a life changer. I want people like me to know that ALL THINGS are possible. I am not the same person I was in October of last year...I am strong. How strong? Cg strong...thanks for your encouragement.
I try to always be positive and I am usually pretty successful. I know that I am able to do things that a year ago would have been impossible. When I am focused, I am great. I have a super support system and I know what I need to be doing, so why is it not happening? The honest answer, I am scared. Yep, I said it...I am afraid. About what? Well, the list is forever long and many of the things on it are just stupid.
A while back, Bethany made a comment to me that I have really been thinking about (for those that do not know, Bethany is my trainer...and my friend). I cannot remember her exact words, but I know the message she was trying to communicate. I hesitate to go full force because I am afraid that I will get hurt again. She is right. I am not giving 100%. I do not like the pain that is associated with the injuries I have suffered in the last few months. It is a vicious cycle...I hesitate because I don't want to get hurt and end up hurting myself because I hesitate. My injuries, for the most part, have healed. I still have a little trouble with my left hip, leg, and knee. It is tons better than it was a few weeks ago.
I have been on this journey nearly 10 months. Some months have been easier than others. I am much stronger than I used to be and I am nearly 50 pounds lighter than I was when I started. I have so much to celebrate, yet, I am stuck.
Fear sucks! I expressed my concerns to Bethany yesterday. I let her know I feel like a failure and that I feel like I have let people down, that I had let her down. Do you want to know what happened? She smiled at me and let me know that she was proud of me. I am still showing up at camp (most of the time)...even if my body will not function properly.
Everyday this week, something or someone has reminded me of the half marathon I have signed up to do. I have to get my butt moving and remember that my goal has nothing to do with how long it takes me to get to the finish line, it is about starting and finishing something that I never dreamed I would do. I am determined to be a life changer. I want people like me to know that ALL THINGS are possible. I am not the same person I was in October of last year...I am strong. How strong? Cg strong...thanks for your encouragement.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Update
It has been a while since I have posted. The past few months have not been the best. I have been recovering from several injuries. I am behind on my training, but I am still blessed!
I went to the doctor before school started and got the go ahead to train for the half marathon. My doctor was very encouraging. I have a few things to work through, but I am going to get there!
I finally stopped drinking sweet tea. I also switched to stevia in my coffee. I feel better and my body has changed. It was not as hard as I thought it would be.
I want to talk about the emotional toll that the injuries have taken on me because I feel like there is someone out there that needs to hear it. I have been very discouraged. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like a disappointment.
I have made an effort to surround myself with people who are on similar journeys as I am. This has been a blessing. However, recently, I feel like I have let these people down. Yes, I realize that this is not reality, I just said I FEEL LIKE...I want, more than anything, to make the people around me proud. I want them to feel like I am really trying to change, because I really am trying. It is just hard to not feel like I have let someone down.
The thing about forming relationships with others is that we become invested in doing things to gain their approval. When we feel like we fall short, it has an emotional affect on us. I have thought about my injuries over and over. I have struggled with the thought that I am hurting myself on purpose or that someone close to me feels like that is what I am doing. I have lost sleep over this issue. I am not a fan of falling down or pulling a muscle and I assure you that I am not doing it on purpose, but the thought bothers me.
There have also been plenty of new people coming to camp. People that I really do not know. Any of you with self esteem issues, like mine, will understand the uneasiness that this causes. Now, I am not saying that these new folks are judging me, I am just saying that it takes me out of my comfort zone. These people do not know how much I have changed in the last nine months. They have not watched me struggle. They have not seen my success. I know, in time, these new folks will be just as special to me as the folks I started camp with...it is just hard.
My journey is not over. It is far from perfect, but at least I am moving forward. I am going to start and finish the half marathon that I have signed up to compete in. I may come in dead last, and that is perfectly fine with me. I will do it knowing it will change the course of the rest of my life. I will do it for myself. I will do it to prove that I am not who I used to be. I am blessed!
I went to the doctor before school started and got the go ahead to train for the half marathon. My doctor was very encouraging. I have a few things to work through, but I am going to get there!
I finally stopped drinking sweet tea. I also switched to stevia in my coffee. I feel better and my body has changed. It was not as hard as I thought it would be.
I want to talk about the emotional toll that the injuries have taken on me because I feel like there is someone out there that needs to hear it. I have been very discouraged. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like a disappointment.
I have made an effort to surround myself with people who are on similar journeys as I am. This has been a blessing. However, recently, I feel like I have let these people down. Yes, I realize that this is not reality, I just said I FEEL LIKE...I want, more than anything, to make the people around me proud. I want them to feel like I am really trying to change, because I really am trying. It is just hard to not feel like I have let someone down.
The thing about forming relationships with others is that we become invested in doing things to gain their approval. When we feel like we fall short, it has an emotional affect on us. I have thought about my injuries over and over. I have struggled with the thought that I am hurting myself on purpose or that someone close to me feels like that is what I am doing. I have lost sleep over this issue. I am not a fan of falling down or pulling a muscle and I assure you that I am not doing it on purpose, but the thought bothers me.
There have also been plenty of new people coming to camp. People that I really do not know. Any of you with self esteem issues, like mine, will understand the uneasiness that this causes. Now, I am not saying that these new folks are judging me, I am just saying that it takes me out of my comfort zone. These people do not know how much I have changed in the last nine months. They have not watched me struggle. They have not seen my success. I know, in time, these new folks will be just as special to me as the folks I started camp with...it is just hard.
My journey is not over. It is far from perfect, but at least I am moving forward. I am going to start and finish the half marathon that I have signed up to compete in. I may come in dead last, and that is perfectly fine with me. I will do it knowing it will change the course of the rest of my life. I will do it for myself. I will do it to prove that I am not who I used to be. I am blessed!
Friday, August 15, 2014
Taking the Next Step
Bethany has been telling me for months that I need to change my diet. Being stubborn, I have basically ignored her and continued on my merry way. Now, I am not saying that I have not been thinking about it, I am just saying that I have been very stubborn and resisting change.
She told me I needed to take some vitamins. I went and purchased them, took them for a couple of days, and forgot. She said I needed extra protein. I asked for suggestions, purchased it, used it, ran out, and didn't buy more...You see, there is a pattern here. It is the same negative pattern I found myself in many times before...do it for a little while and then give up.
My muscles have been screaming for me to provide them with the fuel they need to do the things I am asking them to do. I noticed in May that I was not progressing the way I wanted. I keep getting hurt. Bethany has been faithful to find answers and has been patient with me as I struggle to make better choices. She said something to me the other day that really made me think. I cannot remember her exact words, but it was something similar to this: You have stayed the same for months, it is time to take that next step.
The next step...hmmmm. I didn't really like hearing it, but I knew the second it came out of her mouth exactly what she was trying to say. I cannot expect my body to continue doing the exercise if I am not willing to eat better. My body is not going to respond like some of the (what I call) more advanced campers, unless I am disciplined enough to change some things. I want to be an advanced camper too. I want to be able to demonstrate during the workout and know that my form is right and that my body is able.
I am very proud of the progress I have made since January. I am now 7 months into a journey to be the best me possible. If I am not willing to change, how can I be the best me? I think that the main reason I have resisted a change in my diet is that I really like food. I have an addiction to something that I am not able to put down and never touch again. This addiction is one that developed over many years and for many reasons. Food has been my friend for most of my adult life. I am starting to realize that I have to see my relationship with food differently. It has become a toxic relationship. So, starting today, I am promising to change. I will take my vitamins, eat more protein, and try to make more positive food choices than negative ones. This means that I am going to need support and encouragement.
It is time for me to take the next step on this journey. I will keep you posted. Feel free to offer healthier/cleaner food options for me to try. I know some of you are clean eating experts. I am jumping in, don't let me drown!!!
Be blessed!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)