Three Fs: Fear, Frustration, and (perceived) Failure

This has not been a good week for me. Fear and frustration are my enemy. I did not push myself this week because I was afraid I would have an asthma attack. Asthma attacks cause panic attacks which really embarrass me.

My week started with breathing treatments. The wind blew in something that made it very difficult for me to breathe. I skipped Monday's workout because I was not feeling well. Put on top of that that I am very frustrated with my perceived lack of ability and an overall bad attitude and you end up with my week.

It feels like everything I have done this week has been wrong. Personal decisions, professional decisions, nothing seems to feel right. I don't like that this was my reality this week, but it was. I do not feel good about most of the workouts I did this week. When I don't give 100%, I only cheat myself. I have been an emotional mess and have worked hard to hide it. I have felt insecure and I have been a little grouchy.

I did manage to do a couple of things, this week, that I feel like I can brag about...1) I got my cousin to come to camp with me and she signed up and 2) I jogged (remember, my "jog" is like most people's walk) almost all the way around the track and only stopped once and walked only a little bit.

So now what? Well, I need to figure out how to only use my inhaler if I am having an actual attack. I leave it on the check-in table when I get to boot camp (this makes me uncomfortable, thankfully, there are several people at camp that can really run...just in case there is an issue). I need to figure out the root cause of my insecurities...I want for people to be proud of me, but how can I expect that when I cannot figure out how to be proud of myself?

I have discovered, this week, that although I left a ton of "junk" on the foam glow course, there is so much more that has to be dealt with. I think the most important thing is the way I look at myself. I can tell you I am strong, that I am beautiful, I am confident, but without action on my part, those are useless words. I need to pray more and complain less. I need to trust God with my fear and give an honest effort. And apparently, I need to be a little easier on myself, because in reality, I have done things in the last two months that I never thought were possible.

I need to be mentally and physically healthy.

Be blessed!