BOLD Because of a Child's Love

The past few weeks have not been the best. I have not wanted to do my workouts. I have allowed myself to have a bad attitude.

I have even been disappointed...in myself and in some people around me. Let me explain. I agreed to do a 5k with a parent of a student.  It was way back in January. Bethany had told me that I was not allowed to say "I can't" anymore, so I said okay. We had plans to advertise for my school and  have t-shirts made. Big plans that went no where. We all got busy.

Bethany and I had a conversation about it and she wanted to wait so we could do the advertising. I talked with the parent (on Monday night) and told her I was not going to do it and then on Tuesday morning I told the boys in my morning class that I was not going to do the 5k. I thought that I had covered my bases fairly well, after all, we were not going to be able to advertise for the school and my leg had just started to feel better...one of the boys looked me in the eye and said "Why not?" It wasn't really the words that got me, it was the look of disappointment in his eyes.

The truth is, I had been given an out, and I took it. It made me a little mad. This angry feeling came out at bootcamp and I left it out when we discussed what was going on. I talked about all of the other stuff. I don't think I did it on purpose, really, the other stuff was just bothering me more. I was really trying to do my crabwalks and I was really trying not to be upset. I was not all that successful at either. While I was working hard at avoiding my workout that day, I walked over to the sign in table and my friend asked me why I wasn't doing the 5k. I replied with a quick I am not ready and turned and walked away. This was all on Tuesday.

I went back and read my early blog posts on Wednesday or so and started to think. All of my life, I have let fear dictate what I was and was not going to do. I remember being picked for the missions team in college and then backing out because I was afraid. So, my quitting has been the result of me giving in to my fear. I decided Thursday that I could not skip the 5k. The parent and Bethany had other plans and I knew I would have to do it by myself.

I went. I started. I finished...dead last! I discovered along the way that it is really okay for me to be last. I laughed at God and told Him I get it. All of my life I would just quit. Quitting is way worse than being last...making excuses, worse than being last.

What I discovered today is that I am BOLD. The cg kind of bold. I would not have had the confidence to start and finish a 5k on my own in December. Today, I not only started and finished, I also finished it in less time than I thought I would. I finished in 57 minutes 20 seconds. I was in 84th place out of 84 runners and I am okay with that! I did not quit. I did not make an excuse. I did not let fear win. I am a winner!

Tuesday, I will proudly wear my shirt to class and look that sweet boy in the eyes and say thank you. He knew I could do it. He believed me when I said I would and because of his love I did!

Be blessed!